I have seen the future and it does not work...

"If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?"


Utopia is funny thing. You know what it means. I know what it means. But ya come to describe it and it all goes to pot rapidly. Once you get into describing it, its more a matter of getting rid of stuff you don't want, than ordering new stuff you do. I can think of a few things it must have but the list of stuff thats going to the charity shop is endless.

Writers have the same problem, endlessly dreaming up Utopias. Endless lines of Utopias, Heavens and Sancturies to snuggle up in. Nice and cozy. But what you soon find is that if they're describing Utopias that include people, they're tragically flawed, based on lies, narrow minded, fascist or just kind a crappy.

Here's a few Utopia's those writers have dreamed up that are definately meant to be Utopias:

Swift's Houyhnhnms from Gullivers Travels - Bunch of happy horses who probably listen to Radio 4.
Bank's Dwellers from The Algerbraist - Bunch of anarchist aliens that just surf round gas planets.
Asimov's Gaia from Foundation series - Telepathic uber-humans that are at one with pebbles and rocks.

Notice what be missing? You got it. You, me, them, the fine, the feral, the fabulous, the feckless and everyone else. If there's a Utopia party going on you and I ain't invited.

Doesn't stop us trying, eh? Well, probably does.

But definately doesn't stop the movies. Here's a double bill of LA commune Utopias from the seventies which made a mighty double bill of a movie session for me the other night.

Logan's Run


Concept: If everyone is kind of always young and beautiful then we'll all live kind of happily ever after.

Selling points in brochure: Aerobics, casual sex, no work, no weather, no dirt, no responsibility, free plastic surgery.

Downside: You gotta die at 30 to keep everyone young and beautiful.

What brings it all down: After meeting an old man outside who likes cats, we realise dying at 30 kind of sucks.

Zardoz


Concept: If we all lived forever as eternals we'd get round to solving life's little problems eventually and live in bliss.

Selling points in brochure: Live forever, casual sex, telepathic link to tabernacle (wikipedia), meditation sessions. Life is one long enjoyable lunch.

Downside: You gotta make dinner. You gotta tow the company line.

What brings it all down: Boredom. It just soooo darn boring.


I dig these films a lot. To be happy Zardoz says live forever, Logan's Run says die young. In the end they both go a cropper with the concept that we're all better off as we are, mortal, aging and flawed. Happy ending. Roll credits. Get back to work you aging flawed mortals. You've never had it so good. Yeah, right.